This Too Shall Pass...Right?

If I were asked to describe myself in 5 words, my first word would be routine.  Say it with me now....ROUTINE.  Don't you love how it rolls off of your tongue?  Other words that come to mind include plan and goal.  Uptight you may be thinking...actually no.  Oddly enough I do not think that this word even remotely describes me.

Now, let's move on to my blood pressure.  It is low.  Want to spike that though?  Throw a wrench in my routine, mess up my plan, divert me from reaching my goal.  A huge reaction...of course not.  I choose to internalize my problems.  Duh.  I realize that this is probably not the healthiest route to take.  I may be years, hell even months, away from my Walter White-esque mental breakdown.  (Yes I finished Breaking Bad.  Yes I loved it.)

Where am I going with this?  Well Dean is throwing a wrench as hard as his 2 month old arm can.  So sweet and handsome, he really is high maintenance.  Feeding issues, napping issues and a lot of crying is what has been filling my days.  It's hard.  This is due in part...o.k. a big part...to the fact that I can not take things day by day.  Like really can not do it.  My mind jumps days, weeks and months down the road.  Take this trip with me:

• Does this unraveling of his daytime routine spell the demise of him sleeping through the night?
• Can I regrow my tooth enamel that I am grinding down each and every afternoon?
• Is Kaci destined to a life of crime due to all of the extra t.v. time she is getting while I deal with her brother?
• Will anyone be able to give him the smiles and hugs that he deserves when I go back to work if he continues to be so cranky? 

Shit...each morning I turn over a new leaf.  I resolve to live in the now and take it one day at a time.  I hope for a little less of this:

And a lot more of this:

This took me a long time to write.  I hate discussing my short falls.  And that is exactly what I see this as being.  Dean's fussiness and such is really not the problem.  It is me and my inability to deal with the situation.  I am not the one calling the shots here, Dean is.  But I believe that the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.  

Serenity now folks, serenity now.  This too shall pass.